Own Your Circumstances

I was once told, "You create your life circumstances."

More specifically: "One’s circumstances are the result of one’s actions—or inactions, for that matter."

The dynamic of my life is my own making, and mine alone.

Deep stuff, right?

If I truly create the environment I live in, it means I am responsible for the positive or negative circumstances in my life. If I get a speeding ticket or stay stuck in a job I hate, it’s my actions—or lack of action—that lead to those outcomes.

Regardless of where we find ourselves, we are in control of the actions that can change our circumstances. Sure, I may not be able to change things overnight, but I can change them eventually. The first step is acknowledging—and truly believing—that I am in control in the first place.

Here’s a story to illustrate this:

My 12-year-old son and I used to argue a lot. I kept telling myself that the root of our arguments was his lack of respect for me. For over a year, I tried to explain to him what respect meant and why it was important. I constantly pointed out when he was being disrespectful, thinking that if I showed him what he was doing wrong, he’d change.

But nothing changed. We weren’t making any progress.

Something wasn’t clicking. Something was missing.

One day, my partner said to me, “You know, my love, you make your own circumstances. You create your own dynamics.”

At first, I didn’t get it. It took time for me to realize that my relationship with my son—and his so-called lack of respect—was the result of years of my own behavior.

For years, I had allowed him to speak to me a certain way. For years, I provided minimal structure or boundaries because I wanted to be the “fun dad,” the popular parent. For years, my own ego and insecurities shaped the dynamic between us.

It finally hit me: I was the one who created this dynamic. If I wanted it to change, I had to change. I had to evolve. I had to adjust my own behavior.

Imagine that. My son “disrespects” me, and I realize that I’m the one responsible. But really, what I’m doing is taking accountability for my life circumstances.

Can you imagine what starts to happen in your life when you take full responsibility for your circumstances?

No matter what situation you’re in, remember this: you are the only one who can change it. You are responsible for your life—and ultimately, for everything you experience.